


Fast and Insane

by naturegirlrocks



Category: Deadpool - All Media Types, The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: First one to tag this!, Ironpool, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-06-10
Updated: 2016-02-17
Packaged: 2018-04-03 19:05:16
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 9,907
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4111723
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/naturegirlrocks/pseuds/naturegirlrocks
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Tony's first meeting with Deadpool is not that spectacular, but he's not going to let that stop him.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. First meeting

"I'm so sorry, Mr. Stark," said the man for the fifth time. 

"It's fine," says Tony for the equal-th number of times, though a little more exasperated than the ones before.

It's the Iron Man suit. Even though it's not the latest model, it makes people nervous. 

But then again not every apparent-building supervisor has to call in his superhero employer to evict a troublesome tenant. Tony guessed that happened very rarely, even in New York. He watched the man scurry away to a safe distance and then knocked on the door. 

Someone was playing the soundtrack to LeMiserable very loudly. It was the Broadway-version mind you, not the movie-one that had featured that Wolverine-lookalike. Tony had teased Logan for weeks. The memory made him grin. He knocked again, a bit louder. 

Usually he wouldn't bother with so low managerial stuff, but he had had nothing better to do. Anyway if the tenant was a super, as the supervisor had said, then sending security or police could easily turn sour. 

The supervisor had said that the tenant wore a mask, like Spider Man, but he way bigger and way scarier. The guy had obviously never sparred against Spidy, that's some scary shit. For someone that young, the kid had some moves. Even Natasha had agreed, well, she had approved. 

"What?" yelled a voice from inside apartment. 

"This is your final eviction," said Tony from inside the mask, knowing that his voice sounded more authoritative that way. 

"What?" the door opened. 

Then there was a scream that Tony usually associated with teenage fangirls and not with a six foot two adult man with a muscular build rivalling Captain America. At least Tony assumed the man was an adult, he was dressed in a red and black spandex-suit with accompanied full head mask. 

The hub in Tony's helmet immediately honed in on the two large guns strapped to the man's legs, the two katanas on his back, and other various weapons hanging from various belts and straps. 

Jarvis was also helpful enough to provide Tony with a personal file from SHEILD. There were several warnings flashing but none of them described the man as a typical bad-guy. Neutral was the SHEILD verdict, but with a good enough streak to prevent them from actively hunting him down. He was a mercenary and his name was Wade Wilson, also known as Deadpool. 

Tony remembered hearing strange stories about him from other heroes but he had never met him personally, until now. 

There was also an image of the man without the mask on. Fuck, Tony had not needed to see that so close before lunch. He pushed the information aside. 

"Ohmygodohmygodomygod!" squealed the man as he fanned himself with both his hands like a overexcited southern belle. "Do you see what I see? No, not the Christmas carol! Are you insane? Good point. No! It's Iron Man!"

"Uh, buddy?" Tony cleared his throat. "You need to pack your stuff and get out, you're being evicted."

"I am?" Deadpool scratched the top of his head. "Chucks, and I just decorated."

The 'decorations', from what Tony could see of the living room behind the man, was two big posters of Captain America and a chimpanzee wearing a golfing outfit. The rest of the furniture consisted of a worn-down couch, an old dining table with its legs sawn off, a TV that remembers probably Stalin, and... a vase of fresh flowers?

"Yeah..." he cleared his throat. "It's lovely. Can you turn down the music?"

Deadpool raised the cellphone he's holding in his hand, it's the latest model Starkphone, and touched the screen. The music stopped abruptly. Tony suspects that Deadpool has taken advantage of the offer of 'buy a new phone get a speaker for free'-offer that is on at the moment. Tony's idea thank you very much, Apple are just grubby copycats. 

"Why though?" asks Deadpool. 

"Why what?" Tony sighs and retracts his faceplate, the hub is distracting and this is not going the way he planned. 

"Why am I evicted?"

"You pulled a gun on the supervisor when he came to collect the rent..."

"I did?" Deadpool leaned out of the door and looked at the supervisor who was peaking out from behind a corner. "Hi, Mr Chaveś!"

"I'm Thomson."

"You look like a Chaveś."

"I'm Chinese-African."

"Never heard of it. Is it Mexican?"

Tony smirked. The guy was clearly off his rockers but he was kind of funny. 

"Look, man," he said. "You are scaring people."

"People are pussies, and dicks." Deadpool crossed his arms and made a clear pout under his mask.

"So true," agreed Tony with a nod. "But you still can't stay here if you threaten them."

"But if I promise to be a good boy? I almost never cause trouble when I'm home.... Yeah, but he don't have to know about that... Because he's our landlord. Our supercool landlord. Can I have your autograph?"

There was definitely talking going on inside this guy's head. Tony began to regret that he hadn't read through all those warnings in the file. 

"Mr Stark!" theatre-whispered Thomson from behind his corner. "Ask him about the grenades."

"What grenades?" Tony frowned. 

"Do you wanna autograph my grenades?" Deadpool jumped up and down. "That would be so cool! I think I have one of yours laying around."

Deadpool turned around, walking back into the apparent, clearly expecting Tony to follow. Against better judgement Tony did. From this angle he was getting a better look at the katanas strapped to the man's back, the weapons-buff in Tony couldn't help but to admire them. 

He let the door close behind him, but then again if he needed a quick escape then he could just walk right through it. He doubted anything Deadpool would throw at him would hurt the suit. 

But then again he could be wrong as the man exited what supposed to be the bedroom with a small wooden crate of various explosives. 

"Err..." said Tony looking down at the crate. "I'm going to need to confiscate those."

"Can I have them back later?"

"No."

"Bummer," Deadpool seemed sad. "Distraction? What distraction? Oh, create one! Do you want a beer?"

"Are you talking to me?"

"Ooh! Dirty Harry! Clint Eastwood is so cool, like shootin' stuff... Yeah, Terrace Hill. Do you want a beer?"

"Why not?" sighed Tony. 

Deadpool hurried away towards the kitchen. Tony could hear the refrigerator opening and glass clinking together. He really hoped there really was beer and not some kind of Molotov cocktail. 

He looked around the room. For a dirty dump it was actually quite homely. There was an unopened packaged DVD-player on the couch, along with some new-looking movies. All the store tags where still on them. Tony felt slightly ashamed to break up what was probably going to be a movie-night. He loved those. 

He walked into the kitchen. It was empty. The window was open. On the countertop, that was filled with wrappers from fast food-places and empty pancake-mix boxes, stood a beer bottle with a pink post-it attached to it. 

_Sorry_ , it said in very nice handwriting. _(you are awesome)_

Tony sighed, opened the suit and stepped out of it. 

Steve was going to have a hissy-fit if he ever found out about this kind of recklessness. But then again Steve wasn't here, and he wasn't Tony's dad even though he liked to act like it. Just because you are fifty-two years older than someone doesn't mean you are not mentally eighteen years younger than someone as well, Cap. 

He took the beer, it was of medium quality brand, and walked back into the living room. The suit followed him like a shadow. Tony started skimming through the explosives, sorting them out on the sawed down table. 

He sipped his beer and smiled to himself. 

\-----


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Doombots are fought, and Iron Man has a surprise for Wade.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, so this is my first time writing Deadpool so I might have overdone the boxes, but I like them and I'm sticking to them. 
> 
> The voices in Deadpool's head that can only be heard by him:  
> [yellow box] and {white box}
> 
> This is strictly a side-project, I'm not giving any promises about timing or longer chapters.

Fuckin' doombots. 

{I would never!}

[We're not that desperate.]

"Shut up," hissed Wade as he shoot a robot with no dress-sense in its stupid metal face. "You're making me loose count."

[Oh! What are we counting?]

"Guess I three times," Wade used his katanas to scissor off yet another doombot's head clean off. 

Sparks were flying. 

[Is it windows?"

{Twenty-three.}

Wade looked around for more adversaries but there were none. The Avengers seemed to have done their bit of fighting as well. He made a totally cool double spinning movement with the katanas before seething them into their holsters on his back. 

The small battle was over. It hadn't been his fight, but it had seemed fun so he had joined in. No missions meant boring downtime. Boring downtime meant find own trouble. Wade walked to the ledge of the building to get the lay of the land, or the city in this case. 

On the opposite rooftop across the street Hawkeye was standing on the ledge just as Wade was, looking over the robot carnage. They exchanged a cool-guy nod, nothing more. 

[He nodded at us!]

The next moment Spider-Man arrived, taking Hawkeye around the waist, and lowering both of them the ten stories down to the ground by net. Wade wasn't jealous, though the boxes were. 

{How are we supposed to get down?}

[The elevator?]

"Boring," said Wade, turning around to see who was trying to sneak up on him. 

It wasn't one of the doombots coming to live, that would have been impressive. 

"Hey," said Iron Man. 

[Shiny!]

"Hi!" Wade waived too enthusiastically to still remain cool, but then again who cared. "Can you give me a lift down? Elevators are so boring. They just go up and down, up and down. Like, come on, think a bit sideways sometimes."

"Sure," Iron Man shrugged. "Have you found a new place yet?"

"Are you going to evict me from there too?"

"That depends on a lot of things. Are you using it as a base for evil? Do I own it?" 

"It's a shithole," said Wade diplomatically since he oddly felt the need to be polite about the whole thing. 

His small apartment in Hell's Kitchen should actually benefit from having some shit thrown around. Being that the 'shit' in question wasn't actual faeces but a paraphrased word for 'stuff'. The place was so bare the roaches had no place to hide. 

[We have that mattress we found in the dumpster.]

{It's totally cool since we can't get tetanus.}

"Sorry to hear that," Iron Man pushed up his faceplate so his handsomely shaved face looked out of the armour. "I got your stuff, by the way, I put them in storage. I thought I'd run into you again, it seemed shitty just to throw it away. Not the grenades, of course, I had to destroy those. But the furniture, the posters, and your movies."

[He's got my 'Kung-fu Panda'!]

{And my 'Miss Saigon'!}

[Pretentious bastard.]

"Even 'Funny Girl'?"

"That was one of them, yes," Stark smirked. "You have an eclectic taste. Are you a Streisand fan?"

"Totally the queen. After Bea Arthur of course. Nobody messes with the Queen-Bea."

{You have made that joke before.}

[It's still funny]

"Funny," said Stark. 

Wade blinked. Was there an echo? He rubbed his left ear. 

Stark's eyes glassed over momentarily as if he was listening to a box of his own, though Wade knew it was only someone calling him on the communicator inside the helmet. 

"Cap's calling for a debriefing," Stark focused on Wade again. "Do you want to join in? We can go get your stuff when we're done."

"Awesome," he skipped down from the ledge. "Thanks, man,"

"You did good with these," Stark indicated the bots on the roof before he put down his faceplate.

"Seven," said Wade. 

[So that's what we were counting!]

Wade placed his right arm around Iron Man's neck and jumped up into his arms bridal style. For being a guy in a super suit it took a surprisingly long time for Iron Man's arms to catch him, but Wade just clambered on until they did. 

"Okay..." said Iron Man as he finally took it upon him to keep Wade from dropping. 

"Be gentle with me, please, it's my first time."

He was awarded with a soft laugh through the helmet. 

{This guy really appreciates corny jokes.}

"I know a ton of corny jokes." 

"I bet you do," said Iron Man before letting his boosters lift them off the roof. 

Wade squealed, not like a pig mind you, but with glee. 

[Not the TV-show.]

As they reached the street the other Avengers were waiting for them. They were looking at him with a variation of emotions, though mostly tiredness. 

"Yo!" he said, still excited from the small flight. 

Wade was reluctant to uncurl himself and let go of Iron Man's neck. Though after a bit of heavy shaking he complied. 

"Thanks for helping out, Deadpool," said Captain America. 

[*Fanatic screaming!*]

{*Dreamy sigh.*}

"No problemo, spandex pants. Take me out on a date some time. I like Mexican food."

Only Iron Man laughed, though Hawkeye smirked, and Spider-Man giggled nervously. Captain America was judging Wade with a strangely sad look before turning to Black Widow to ask her something about the battle. 

Wade tuned out for the rest of their little meeting. Hulk hadn't even been in the fight so there was nothing to really to look at. 

[Poo-y! I wanted see the shrinkage!]

Wade instead focused on watching some of the Doombot-peices around them gather themselves up and fly away. If he'd been alone he'd grabbed hold of one of the bigger ones and gone for a joyride. Sadly that had to wait for another time. 

Anyway, there was a chance that Iron Man would give him a ride home and that was way cooler than a busted up robot that only would take him as far as the Latverian embassy. 

He was also excited over getting his movies back. He had worked very hard to kill the dude he had stolen them from. Paramilitary rebel/drug lord compounds in the Argentine jungles were a lot more guarded than you would be lead you to expect. The DVD-collection had been cool though. 

[We should go back there.]

{What about the fire?}

"Yeah, right. The fire."

[We should get popcorn.]

"What fire, Deadpool?" asked Captain America. 

"I like popcorn. Just salt, no butter. High cholesterol kills, you know. Not that I care really. Nachos are the bomb though."

The Avengers just stared at him. 

"Okay?" said Hawkeye. 

"I can't have corn on my diet," said Stark who had pushed up his faceplate again. "Messes with my tummy. I'm gluten-free."

Wade actually found this interesting and made the appropriate nod and sympathy noises, storing the information away in what ever part of his brain that selected to remember things like that. 

"Right..." said Spider-Man. "You know, we should get moving,"

Three black SHEILD vans had arrived during the conversation and black-clad agents were going around cleaning stuff up. Wade usually never stuck around long enough to see the vans arriving, and he was itching to get moving. Essentially since he could see several police cars coming towards them. 

"You don't need me anymore, right?" Stark looked around at his friends. 

"Hot date?" asked Hawkeye with a smirk. 

"Something like that." He turned to Wade. "Better get on my back this time. What ever misconception Superman has given you, flying with someone in your arms messes up the aerodynamics." 

"[{Awsome!}]"


	3. A move and a meal

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is harder than it looks. It's going to take some time, but we'll get there.

Tony had given Deadpool a ride to the warehouse by carrying him by the shoulder straps. It had taken just about a minute since they didn't need to navigate traffic or buildings. Deadpool had imitated different bird calls the entire way. Tony's favourite had been the duck. 

By the warehouse they met up with Happy who had, with the help of one of the storage guards, loaded a small truck with all the confiscated stuff from the apartment. 

"Are you sure you want this?" Happy asked Deadpool pointing to the much worn out leather sofa with questionable structural integrity. 

"Yeah, my butt fits perfectly in the lumpy hole."

Tony giggled. 

Happy had also brought Tony a change of clothing so that he could exit the armour without walking around in the black protective exoskeleton bodysuit that he wore as underwear. Deadpool had squealed for several seconds when he saw it, and then asked Tony for his tailor.

"I can measure you for one if you want," Tony answered. "I'm sure I can make it red for you."

"Now I know I died," Deadpool breathed. "I'm going to wake up at any moment on that rooftop..." He paused. "Wait, I'll ask him. Do you want my body as payment?"

"Wha- eh?" 

"'Cause people have tried asking for that before and then they get really disappointed when I tried to give it to them, and sometimes there was a lot of blood involved. Everything always grew back though..." He looked at his left hand and wiggled his fingers. "Yeah."

Tony looked at him for a moment, contemplating the sanity of befriending this strange man. On the other hand, Tony had read Deadpool's entire SHEILD-file since their last meeting. The guy was absolutely fascinating and Tony couldn't walk away from this now even if he wanted to. 

"We'll work something out," Tony patted the big guy's arm. "We don't need to be so extreme."

He went to the storage's bathroom change into a more appropriate clothes, jeans, t-shirt, and a casual sports-jacket. He fixed his hair with the best he could do with a comb and then he hid it under a neutral baseball cap. It wasn't exactly billionaire style, but then again he wasn't going to do visit any fancy in the next hours. 

When he got out Deadpool was showing off his katanas by swinging them around Happy close enough to shave him. Happy looked terrified, but was actually hiding it quite well. 

"Playing around?" 

"Just showing of my crazy skills," Deadpool seethed the swords back to his back and pointed to Happy like a small child in trouble. "He said I could!"

"I- I just asked if he was any good," breathed Happy. 

"Then you asked for it, buddy," said Tony sympathetically, patting his friend's arm and taking a pair of sunglasses from his chest pocket. "Take the test of the day off, I can manage."

"You sure, boss?"

They both looked to Deadpool who just had shouted 'shotgun!', and jumped towards the drivers side of the truck. 

"It'll be fine," Tony put on the sunglasses. "I've got the suit."

He had let the bulky Mark Thirty-Nine go home to the tower and was now carrying the more portable Twenty-Seven that was currently folded into a suitcase. It would be enough to carry the heavier stuff. This my doubted that they would meet any plausible threat more dangerous than a mugger, and Deadpool was more than capable to take care of that. 

He waived Happy off and walked over to the truck were Deadpool was pretending to drive and making making race-car noises. 

"Move over, stud," said Tony, I know for a fact you don't have a license."

"Had a learners permit once," Deadpool scooted over to the other seat. "It burnt in the crash. After we healed up Logan said I had potential."

"As a crash test dummy?" Tony smirked and started up the truck. 

"Were you there?"

"I have good imagination. Now where do you live in Hell's Kitchen?"

"Nowhere near Gordon Ramsey. Oh! Can we get take out? Your treat?"

"Why not?" Tony shook his head and pressed down the gas pedal. 

\----

After visiting no less than three different restaurants, two authentic Mexican ones and one Taco Bell, they arrived to an old five-story brick-building. It was as a couple of blocks away from the more gentrified areas of the borough, but not too shabby. 

Deadpool had gotten out a block earlier, he had said he preferred to enter his apartment from the fire escape. It was less conspicuous with his suit and weapons, even though the residents here were a little more tolerant than at the last place. , 

Tony was in luck to find a parking space fairly close by, it wasn't a busy street. He adjusted the cap and sunglasses before stepping out on the sidewalk. He was carrying his suitcase in one hand and the food in the other. 

He had some qualms about leaving the truck on the street as they unloaded it. It had all the Stark-security installed, but still. Criminals where getting thriftier, Tony was more or less an expert in the study of them. Though he doubted that any of them would take up residence in this place. 

"Yo!"

Deadpool was still wearing his suit and mask but had covered it with a grey tracksuit and a Yankee baseball cap. He looked ridiculous and Tony couldn't help but to laugh. 

"Is this how you look undercover?"

"You should talk, paparazzi bait," Deadpool smirked under his mask. "Come on, I'm hungry."

He took the ancient television from the truck under one arm, and the DVD player under the other, and the bag of movies in hand. Tony then set the alarm by pressing a code into a digital lock. A few people were watching them curiously. 

Deadpool lived on the top floor, the fifth. To Tony's dismay there was no elevator, it was going to be a bitch to carry the sofa and the bed up. He might had to put the Twenty-Seven on, and that would not be incognito. 

Then again, according to SHEILD files, Deadpool was rumoured to be stronger than Captain America. Tony watched the expanse of the shoulders of the man before him and had a hard time doubting that fact. 

The apartment had an open floor plan, quite large, but it was still a rundown dump. It had potential, and fifty years ago it might have been classy, but the unless the owners had money like Tony it would be much smarter for them to tare the building down and build new a new one before renovating. Sad through a heritage-point of view, but true. 

The only furniture was a bare king-size mattress in a corner and a stool by the kitchen worktop. There were a bunch of weapons and weapon-paraphernalia on the floor, everything systematically distributed over newspapers laid out in a half-circle. There were no explosives, but those could very well be hidden away. 

The strangest feature had to be the five long white canes leaning against the wall. 

"I find them in alleyway dumpsters sometimes," said Deadpool. "Some blind guy out there has a very strange habit."

"New York," Tony shrugged and put down his suitcase and walked over to the kitchen to unpack their food. 

It was not the most glamorous of meals and certainly not the most comfortable, but when you have had watery porridge on a cave floor with a car battery in your chest and a automatic rifle aimed at your head, you learn to appreciate the litre things in life even if you are a billionaire. 

The company was surprisingly good though, Tony laughed more than he had in a very long time. He was a bit taken back though when Deadpool rolled up his mask to eat, revealing scared a scared neck and chin, but then again it was relatively easy to get used to. 

Wade, as Tony now felt comfortable calling him, only became a bit depressed when Tony concluded that the ancient television was never going to be compatible with the high-tec DVD-player, but Tony assured him on his honour as a technical genius that he would fix it. 

They didn't talk much during the meal. This was mostly because they were both quite hungry, but also because Wade had excellent table manners even though they were sitting on the large mattress, leaning against the wall with takeout wrappers across their legs. 

When they were finished with the food they unloaded the furniture. Wade managed the heavy lifting just fine by his own. He made some of his neighbours very nervous when he carried the sofa on his back like it had been an ordinary kitchen chair, which was coincidentally whatTony was carrying at the time. 

"It's good to show off a little muscle sometimes," said Wade. "Let's them know who not to mess with."

"Or call the cops on," smirked Tony. 

"That only results in more muscle showing."

Tony looked at a couple of young men who had been eying the truck but was now hurriedly moving away and supposed that Wade could be right about that. 

"If you got it, flaunt it," Tony shrugged. "And you got it."

Wade stared at him for a long time after that. 

It was about six o'clock when Tony said goodbye and left Wade to do his interior design (whatever that may be). He was confident that he found a new friend and ally in the man, a very good thing in his line of work.


	4. Missing

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is coming out a but more unregular than expected. Working on the 'Working with what we got'-sequel is taking up so much effort.

Wade was a bit disappointed when Tony didn't return the next evening to help him fix the television. At this rate it would seem that Wade would have to steal himself a new one from another drug lord. He had had an offer to go to Argentina, but the employer had seemed as sketchy as the target and Wade was trying to stay on the right side of the law. 

[Boring]

"Yeah, but more rewarding in terms of karma."

[Who told you that bullshit?]

"You did."

{Actually, it was me.}

[Go figure]

"He is a busy guy," said Wade. "He has better things to do than hanging around with the likes of me."

Wade thoughtfully placed himself in a heroic city-watching pose by the window, too bad his view was of a brick wall down to an alleyway. There were garbage bins down there, lots of them. Good to fall on in a crisis, with only a minimum amount of damage. He hummed over this thought for a moment. 

A melody sounding were much like 'Islands In The Stream' played out for several seconds before Wade stopped humming along. He realised that it was his phone and started looking through his many pouches. The number was withheld. 

"Yellow?" he greeted in a very clever way. 

[It sounds like 'yeah hello'.]

{The wit on this one.}

"Deadpool?" asked a voice from the phone. 

"In the flesh."

"This is Steve Rogers..."

"Oh. My. God. Are you asking me out? I haven't done my hair. Mind you, I don't have any hair."

Wade patted the top of his mask to make sure it was still on and straight. You had to look your best when talking on the phone with Captain America. 

"...I was wondering if you have seen Tony?"

"He stood you up as well? Can we form a club? Just you and me? Have Mint Juleps and dish about boys?"

"So you haven't seen him?"

"That bastard leaving us in our prime of life! How old are you by the way? I'm not sure with my healing factor and all... I remember the sixties, or was it that Austin Powers movie?" 

"Thank you anyway. See you later. Good bye."

He hung up. 

[*heavy fangirl-breathing*]

Was Stark missing? How were they going to be awesome best buddies now? And Wade who was just going to start hitting on him. Worst timing ever. 

He put away the phone and looked around the room, pausing on the garbage bag that Tony had put all the takeout wrappers in yesterday and then out by the door. Like if Wade was just going to be normal and throw it away on his way to work. 

How could he be missing? Shouldn't he be having like satellites and bugs and stuff implanted in his head or something? Tony Stark was totally the squishy pink insides of an awesome robot superhero machine, there ought to be something that could track him down. Something other than just calling Wade. 

This warranted some cool Deadpool investigation. 

[Kickin' some heads and takin' some numbers!]

{I don't think that's the way to say it.}

[Bustin' some chops and callin' the four-one-one?]

{I give up.}

Wade walked over to the closet were he had hidden away everything he hadn't wanted Tony to see. He filled his a few of his pouches out with some explosive goodies and some ammo. It never hurt to be prepared. Well, sometimes it hurt like shit but we won't talk about that now.

He got his guns and katanas, and at the last moment he grabbed one of the white canes, folded it up, and put it on one of his back braces. It would be awesome to use as a prop joke, also he could be temporarily blinded, which would only make the joke even funnier.

{You're looking for a missing person, not going to war.}

"Have you met me?"

Wade decided to forgo the jump out of the window down to the garage bins in the ally, and left by the door, walking down all five flights of stairs and waiving to his neighbour Mrs Whatsit and her small what-the-fuck-is-that-a-rat?-dog. She smiled back at him as if she had seen weirder things or forgot her glasses. 

Outside in the pavement Wade put his hands to his hips, thrusted his pelvis forward and squared his shoulders, and wondered what was the next step. He hadn't much to go on other than the phone call. Captain America hadn't even said if Tony had returned home last night or not. 

{Look for clues}

[Yeah, like that House dude.]

The most logical thing to do would be to leave the search for the Avengers, SHIELD, and secret government satellite space stations, but Wade wasn't the most logical person around. Second most logical thing would be to ask someone what was going on, but again Wade wasn't logical, and he didn't have any of their phone numbers. 

Well, he did have one number, but he had prank called Fury so many times that the guy had threatened to give him a bazooka enema. Healing factor or not, that shit hurt like a sonofobitch. 

Finally Wade decided to make his way to Avengers' tower, taking the route it was most likely Tony had taken the night before. Perhaps he would find something in the way that could work as a clue.

{That was actually quite logical.} 

[He has his moments.]

Wade started humming as he walked. He ignored the adoring public around him that either was staring, running away, or calling the police. 

About five minutes later a large black jeep with tinted windows stopped beside him. Wade got in on the passenger side without a second thought. It would have been really embarrassing if it had been a gang of thugs, or if Wade cared about embarrassment, but instead it was the Black Widow sitting behind the wheel. 

"Looking for a good time?" Wade asked as he placed himself sideways on the seat to accommodate for all the stuff he carried on his back. "I don't come cheap, but you'll leave with a smile." 

"You were the last to see Tony last night," she said calmly as she turned the car into traffic. "Care to explain?"

"Are you accusing me of something?"

"Not yet."

{She's so cool.}

"You should know the team voted not to involve you in this. But I'm willing to give you the benefit of a doubt," she glanced to him. "Don't make me doubt you."

Wade was going to comment something about benefits when the Widow turned the car to the side of the street next to an alleyway. He could clearly see a small wrecked truck there. The cargo space had been torn open, all the windows were broken, and the inside of the cabin was burnt out.

Two SHEILD agents were examining the wreck while Barton stood around looking grumpy. He looked even grumpier when he saw Wade get out of the jeep, he didn't object to his presence though. 

Walking closer he could see the cargo space had been torn open first by an explosion and then a couple of very strong hands. There were impressions of fingers in the tare. 

"Whoa, someone had fun," Wade pointed out. 

[Die Hard 4]

{I liked that movie.}

"Jeremy Irons is hot," Wade agreed and poked the sharp edges of the scorched fortified metal. 

"Hey," the Widow caught Wade's arm and forced him to look down at her, she was a head and a half shorter than him. "This is serious. They managed to abduct Tony, and his suit, disrupt all his trackers, and then disappear. These are not just professionals, these are super-villains." 

"Your kind of people," said Barton. 

"I consider myself as a super-neutral, actually, less guilt to deal with." 

Wade tested his strength on the cargo space wall, he was strong enough to move it but not enough to make impressions like the culprit. It would take someone like Hulk or Thing to do something like this, though the impressions were too small to be anyone of them. 

"Do you even feel guilt?" Barton huffed. 

"I just said that I feel less of it," Wade shrugged and looked at him. "Were you listening? Maybe you should turn on your hearing-aids?"

[Burn!]

{That we could feel guilty about.}

[Nope.]

Barton blinked. 

"Just help us find him," he glared.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tony is kidnapped.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Finally, finally! The next chapter!  
> I know it's very naughty of me to write this while being so busy with other things, but the pairing spoke to me, and I promise that I will finish it.

Tony was pissed, and not in a good way. 

He could feel painful tinglings of burns under the skin of his forearms from the implants there. If he wasn't so angry he would be impressed. It must have been hell of an electromagnetic pulse, and specially designed made for him at that. Tony was an expert at protecting his tech, someone was a step ahead of him.

Every single piece of tech, around him, on him, and in him, was fried. Except for the arc reactor, Tony noted with great relief. Then again, if it had fried Tony would probably not be awake or alive to notice. It really paid off to invent your own element that couldn't be compromised by electromagnetic pulse. 

Back to the problem at hand though. Someone was holding him captured. Blindfolded, hands tied up behind his back, on his side on a sofa, and really needing to use the bathroom. 

"Hello?" he called out. "Picklebuns?"

No response to the very silly trigger-word that usually would deploy the Iron Man suit. His emergency briefcase was either not close enough to pick up audio or it had been fried as well. If he was lucky then the damn thing would reboot. Problem was he didn't know for how long he had been unconscious. The briefcase could also work manually and draw power from the arc reactor, but that was only if he could get his hands on it first. 

By the sound of his voice echoing he guessed he was in a large empty room, perhaps an old warehouse or abandoned hangar. Badguys apparently liked the cliches. He heard footsteps, heavy boots against hard floor. 

"You're awake," said a gruff male voice, possibly distorted by wearing a mask. 

"And here I thought I was dreaming," Tony honed in on the direction of the voice. "I need to pee."

"So pee."

"Well, that just leaves me with wet trousers and you needing to find a rag to clean this nice sofa with. I hope it doesn't stain." 

He had spent just one evening with Deadpool and already the sounded like he was twenty again. Deadpool, he thought regretfully. It had been a really nice evening. He really hoped the guy didn't get blamed for this. 

Two pairs of strong hands grabbed hold of him, pulling him to his feet. Tony didn't fight, not yet anyway. 

"Where are you taking me?" 

"To the bathroom, Mr Stark," said the voice, not coming from any of the guys holding him. "You are right, you are worth a lot of money, and we can't be delivering you soiled to our buyers."

So they were selling him. Who could even afford to buy him? Which let to another question, how much was he considered to be worth?

"What ever they are offering you I'll double it, triple it." 

Tony felt the stench of old ammonia as he was dragged in another room. He was suddenly glad that he was blindfolded, the sight of the toilet would probably have made him blind. 

"We don't want your money."

Great. He was kidnapped by idealists and/or a suicide squad, neither way sounded fun for him. 

Information, Tony gathered what he had. _Three of them so far. They guy with the voice, and two goons. Despite being popular in kidnapping dramas, there wasn't too many abandoned places within New York._ At least he hoped they were still in New York. 

"No funny business," said one of the goons stereotypically and freed Tony's hands. "We got a gun on you."

The nozzle of a gun was pressed to his side. 

"That will really help me preform," Tony huffed. 

_Rather free him than going near his dick. Small gun, big hands, confident in strength. Other guy moving uncomfortably._

He peed without feeling around, it was their own fault if they hadn't aimed him right, he wasn't going to touch anything disgusting in the bathroom. For a moment he thought of peeing on his captures and fight his way through the surprise of it. But then again, he was blindfolded and, win or loose, he'd still be having his dick out. 

Deadpool would have done it, and looked totally awesome doing it, but Tony wasn't Deadpool. He was somewhat proficient in boxing and had some martial art moves tied away under his belt, but he didn't know his opponents and had been relying too much on his technology lately. 

"Where's my briefcase?" he asked as he zipped himself up. 

"Never you mind," said the uncomfortable goon as he tied Tony's hands together again, this time in front of his body. 

"Actually, I mind a great deal."

Tony held his hands to his chest as he was led out of the bathroom. There was no damage to the arc reactor. His captors didn't seem interested in the technology there. It seemed that the buyer wanted the whole package and not the individual pieces. 

He was roughly pushed down on the sofa. 

"You are aware that my best friend is the Hulk right?"

"Shut the fuck up," said the boss. 

Tony considered bragging a bit more about who his friends were, but came to the conclusion that would only result in him being either hit on the mouth, muzzled, or both. He tried to make himself comfortable. 

Instead he simply pulled down his blindfold. If they were stupid enough to tie his hands in front of him then they deserved the consequences. 

It was an abandoned and gutted factory partly used as storage, cliché much? The boss, a fairly built man who looked like a wannabe-supervillain dressed like a bad combination of Skeletor and Taskmaster, was standing a few meters away talking quietly on a mobile phone. 

The two goons, looking more like 1950's mobsters, were indeed large and big muscled, but did't seem to have too much behind their thick sculls since they were just staring at Tony as if taking off a blindfold was an act worthy of Houdini. Tony smirked. 

How did this lot ever catch him? This was embarrassing. 

The emergency briefcase was leaning on the far side of the wall, perhaps discarded for the moment. It was not too far away to not hear a voice command, but it was still far enough for Tony not being able to see if it had rebooted. 

It was a bit embarrassing, but he had to try again. 

"Picklebuns?"

The briefcase didn't move. The two goons exchanged a look. The boss looked his way and frowned seeing Tony without a blindfold. 

And then Deadpool dropped from the ceiling, landing on one knee after a summersault and pulling both his katanas with an elegant move. 

"We only had one date, Sweetie," grinned the merc from behind the red mask. "But I'm so down with using petnames."

He swung his swords at the guns that the goons were now pointing at him, one fell to the floor with alf a finger attached, the other lost its muzzle. The goon that had lost his finger screamed, Deadpool kicked him in the gut. The other goon was just staring at his broken gun until he got his face hit by a strong fist. 

Tony blinked, he liked this rescue. If only the kidnappings he had experienced in his youth had been as satisfying. 

But then again, he wasn't free yet. 

Deadpool turned to look at the boss. 

"What are you supposed to be? Fantasy Death Munk?

"I am.." the guy raised his hands and pulled his elbows back, it looked stupid. "The Shocker!"

The exclamation of the name was violently punctuated by him picking his arms forward and emitting a powerful beam of blue electric light. That actually explained some things Tony had been wondering over. Mutant powers weren't as easily explained as technology. 

Tony admitted that it could have looked cool if the light hadn't hit Deadpool straight in the chest and knocked the merc violently backwards. 

He landed on the sofa, head almost knocking into Tony's gut. The upper front of his red suit was burnt away in tatters. He had a quite muscular chest, but it was hard to distinguish which scars that had already been there and which ones had come with the electric burn. It certainly didn't smell like barbecue. 

Deadpool coughed some smoke before looking up at Tony. 

"Awesome rescue yet, Sweetcheeks?"

"Awesome," Tony rolled his eyes. 

"You haven't seen nothing yet," Deadpool took a few fortifying breaths, his skin already knitting together as good as it could. 

The Shocker, awful name by the way, was apparently not familiar with Deadpool since he let down his guard with a huff. A sign that people normally didn't recover from that kind of blast. Instead he turned to his finger-missing goon to stop the bleeding by burning the wound. There were some whimpering as he did. 

Tony looked down at the man in his lap. 

"Where are the others?" 

"Got tired of waiting on them, went looking for you by myself."

"Awesome."

"I know!"

Tony couldn't decide if he was being rescued or getting into deeper trouble.


	6. Shocker

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Wade totally saves the day...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is taking sooo long, I know. But I don't write this on my spare time, I write it on my spare spare time. 
> 
> I love this pairing though and will make a series of it. Just as soon as I finish this part. Sigh.

[We are awesome super rescuing second date!]

{You call this a date?}

 _Was it a first date? He just helped us move one stuff and bought some food._

{He said it was a date just now.}

 _Oh. All right! By the way, are we still unconscious?_

[{Yes!}]

 _I knew it was too much darkness and too little pain._

Wade grunted slightly as he woke up. Someone had pushed him to the floor, face down, and stomped on his back. Probably the little shit that lost his finger, Wade was going to make him loose so much more. 

His weapons were gone, now the fuckers were really in trouble. 

He was laying across Tony's feet, he could feel the pressure as they moved. Wade wondered if it was some sort of a code. The had no idea what it would mean. The only codes he knew was that 'maybe' only sometimes meant 'yes', and that 'no' often meant 'get the fuck out of my face, you loony'. Feet movements were oblivious to him. 

"Stop playing the righteous hero, Stark," said the voice of Electronic Sceletor Boy. "We both that you have done to gain your fortune." 

"Are you trying to get on some moral high ground?" answered Tony's voice. "You are selling me to people who most likely will force me to make weapons, and now you've hurt my friend."

[He said we're friends!]

"The people I'm selling you to have enough weapons, they are he types more for revenge." 

"Ain't I a lucky guy?" Tony sighed, moving his feet a bit more. 

Maybe it was a code for 'get up and save me, you idiot', Wade could totally get behind that. There were still just some fried nerve-endings that needed connecting though. Like his eyes... Wait, he had a thing for that, and it was still on his belt. 

"Boss, they're here," gruffed one of the henchmen. 

"Get him," said Skeletor Shock Person. 

Wade could feel how Tony tensed up. He sneaked his hand towards the white cane, waiting for the moment he could feel Tony being grabbed to be pulled up off the sofa. 

"Whenever you are ready now," whispered Tony. 

[He's quite demanding, isn't he?] 

Then Wade felt the pull. He jumped to his feet and didn't hesitate in hitting the closest shadowy figure with the white cane that was still loose as a whip, he was quite certain it wasn't Tony. He was even more certain when he heard the yelp of surprise and pain. 

The cane clicked together to [well obviously] a cane. Wade swung it again, feeling something break as it hit its target. Another painful scream. 

Wade blinked and found that he had regained his pet of his sight. It made it easier to summersault away from the beam of lightning that was suddenly hurled towards him. He landed on his feet and threw the cane like a spear. 

It hit Sparky Scull Face over the eye of the ridiculous mask. It was as enough distraction for Wade to turn around and assess the situation. 

He caught Tony punching the other henchman in the face. Not bad for someone having his hands tied together. Double punch! Wade should totally add that to his arsenal. 

"Picklebuns!" shouted Tony.

Wade felt something fly past his head at great speed. It was a metal glove and it headed straight for Tony's left hand, engulfing it up to his elbow. Another piece was already expanding around his crotch and right leg. 

"Shit, that's sexy," Wade breathed. 

{I think he heard you}

Tony had indeed given Wade a wink just before the faceplate covered his face. Now Iron Man was there in his place and the bad guys where in even more trouble. 

"Ah," said Iron Man as the last pieces were set into place. "Good to be back."

Next moment he was hit by blast of lightning that must have lasted five seconds before Bad Boy Of Electricity had to stop and stumble backwards because of temporary power exhaustion. Iron Man was down on one knee. Wade could definitely smell something burning. 

[It's a quite homely smell]

{Good memories}

"That was good," Iron Man got up from his crouching position. "But now it's my turn."

He sadly didn't get to see what shiny cool stuff Iron Man blasted off against Sparky Jolly Roger {what?} because at that moment three muscly men entered the hangar. They were all wearing green and yellow ski-masks. Either they were some kind of henchmen or sadly misinformed fashion victims. 

Wade took a chance on that they were both. 

He caught sight of his katanas and guns, they were very rudely thrown on the floor behind the sofa. Wade didn't even think before he pounced down in them, though admittedly he never really thought things over before doing them. 

Good thing though because the next moment there was quite a lot of gunfire going on. He was well covered by the sofa. 

From his vantage point he could see Iron Man and The Shocker [that was the real name, stupid] caught up in a electronic fist fight. Shockboy seemed to have a quite impressive shielding ability in place. Wade could watch it all day but there was the gun-weilding matching boyband to take care of. 

He seethed the katanas on his back and rose up with guns in hands. He was about to fire a helluva lot of bullets but thankfully managed to pull away at the last possible moment. He couldn't have lived with himself if he had fired. 

[Cavalry is here!]

{Superhot cavalry!}

Indeed, Captain America, Hawkeye, and Black Widow were standing in the hangar doorway, all looking very hot. Fashion victim boyband was efficiently vanquished by their feet. Black Widow looked extra hot and dangerous with her dark green eyes fixed on Wade. The other two were watching Iron Man. 

_Right, the fight!_

[I love it when we rhyme!]

To his disappointment there wasn't a clashing of beams á la Ghostbusters/Harry Potter. Instead they just seemed to be dancing around each other trading electric blows and avoiding the other. Iron Man had some of his weapons out but seemed reluctant to use them. Possibly some shit about being inside and the risk of blowing something up so the roof fell down or something. 

The guy had already almost melted one of the walls with his unibeam, for fuck's sake. 

A sparkly energy bolt passed by Wade's head and hit the metal wall behind him. He could feel the electricity tickle his skin through his suit. If he had had hair it would have stood in all directions. 

There was a sudden scream. Electro-boy had an arrow hooked to his thigh, it seemed to give out some electricity of its own. Hawkeye was on the move. Captain America and Black Widow were running forward as well, but the distraction the arrow had created was enough for Iron Man to fire something looking like taser bullets. 

The power-sheild wasn't quick enough to go up and the bullets hit Shock-boy in the neck. He went down like some electric dude going down. 

"Shocker," said Wade feeling quite pleased with himself.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry his last chapter took so long, but here it finally is!
> 
> This I definitely a pairing I could come back to...

Tony pushed up his visor. 

The Shocker was passed out on the floor, still twitching by the stunners that were lodged in his chest. Tony had made those stunners to prepare for the next time a giant lizard attacked New York, which was surprisingly not that uncommon to happen. 

"Tony!"

He looked up to see Steve coming towards him, Nat and Clint were not far behind. 

"Are you okay?" asked Steve looking him over even though he couldn't see anything because of the suit. 

"I'm all right," Tony smiled at his friend. "Nice shot," he then said to Clint though it was kind of redundant since the guy almost always did nice shots, but there was nothing wrong with some validation sometimes. "How did you find me?"

"We followed the psychotic bloodhound," Nat huffed. "But he ditched us halfway so we were a bit late."

Tony smirked and looked around. 

"Where _is_ Deadpool by the way?"

"He ran out," Clint pointed his bow towards the open door. "He was probably scared we were going to kick his ass for ditching us. Which we totally will."

The next moment there was the sound of a big explosion from outside, it shook the walls and vibrated through the ground. Some of the mortar fell to the ground, and on Steve's uniform. 

"Oh boy..." breathed Tony. "I think he found the bad guys' ride."

"Hope he didn't mistake it for ours," sighed Nat. "I don't want to fill in another one of your stupid request forms."

"They are not stupid, they are demand specific, and they help keep the books in order."

"Pepper forces you to keep track, right?"

"Yeah."

Tony put up his visor again. He let his suit go through a self-check, testing all moving parts in a wave moving down his body. Damage control indicated hardware 86% operable and slowly rising, software was at 93%. His own body had some aches and pains around it, but nothing serious showed up on the hud. Not too shabby. 

"Is this a white stick, like blind guys use?" Clint held up something he found on the floor. 

"Hey!" Deadpool returned inside, his red suit slightly smoking. "That's mine! I found it in a dumpster! It's an awesome cool stick... Yeah! You are right! Stick of destiny!"

Clint just rolled his eyes and threw the thing over. Deadpool caught it with one hand and proceeded to expertly fold it together and put it on the back of his belt. Then he turned to Tony. 

"How'd you like our second date?"

"Could have been less painful," 

"Next time I'll use lube."

"Cook me dinner first."

"I'm better with breakfast."

"Pancakes?"

"You better believe it, Iron Socks."

"Tony!" Interrupted Nat in a harsh tone. "Stop flirting with the maniac and find a way to contain this guy before he wakes up and tries to electrocute us again." 

Tony looked over at The Shocker. He didn't show any signs of electricity while unconscious, except from some weak static. He also had a heightened body temperature, though that was quite normal for a mutant of his kind. 

He started analysing the data from the fight. He needed to find a frequency to counteract the mutant's and keep him down. 

Deadpool walked over and pulled the weird scull-mask off the knocked out man. Under the mask The Shocker was a blond man who looked to be in his late twenties. Nat started a face scan. 

"I'm keeping this for my collection," Deadpool said holding up his prize. "Shut up! I'm starting one. I will mount them on my wall like a big game hunter, but more kind to animals. I wish Inhad a fireplace... Yeah, a red velvet robe would look great on me."

Tony rolled his eyes and let the suit fold back down into a suitcase by his feet. He wobbled a bit when the support disappeared from his body, Steve caught him before falling. 

"Man," he yawned. "I need a drink."

"You need a bed," said Steve. 

Tony leaned heavily on him, only his pride stood in the way of asking to be carried. Nat was taking on the phone the SHEILD. Clint was folding his bow together. 

"Want some company?" asked Deadpool skipping up beside them. "I'm great at both drinks and beds."

"I wouldn't be able to keep up with you at the moment," smiled Tony while ignoring his friends' disapproving looks. "But I'll call you about that third date, yeah?"

"Stop calling it 'date'," groaned Clint. "It gives me very disturbing images."

"A good imagination is a terrible thing to waste," Deadpool scratched his bare chest where his spandex had been burned away. "You should write fanfic."

They could hear Fury's voice from outside, he didn't sound happy. 

"Well, that's my exit-cue," Deadpool dusted off his hands. "I don't want to chance it if he brought his bazooka."

With that he hugged Steve, threw Tony a kiss, and slapped Clint on the ass. Then he jumped out of the hole in the wall. 

\------------------ 

Wade had found the blind guy who was throwing away his canes. Hell, Wade had fought the guy, who also had a cool red suit, and they had equally kicked each other's asses before coming to an understanding that they actually could be friends. 

Well, friendly aquatints, but it was a start. Apparently the dude knew Spider-Man. It was a small masked hero world. 

His own mask was on the table, together with his weapons and pouches. He was still in the rest of his cool spandex but was contemplating changing into something more made out of silk, and lace. 

It had gone three days since Stark promised to call him. There had been no word. 

Sure, there had been a giant lizard attacking Hoboken two days ago. The Avengers had been there, though Iron Man had stood back from most of the fighting. Wade knew because he had watched from a nearby rooftop. 

[He could have called us yesterday.]

"It's hard to dispose of dead giant lizards. That's something the movies don't tell you."

He sat down on the sofa, right in the worn dent perfectly fitting his butt. 

"Also, his friends doesn't like me."

{You're acting like a desperate teen. Soon you'll be writing poetry.}

[Iron Man, ass like ham, behind steel, won't let us cup a feel.]

"Don't hold your breath for a publishing deal."

{You rhymed!}

Wade sighed. He glanced to the TV that didn't work with his DVD-player. He wondered if there were any drug lords closer than Argentina that the could kill for a decent set. He could call the new guy, for a blind dude he seemed to be quite well informed about crime in Hell's Kitchen. 

There was a knock on the door. 

Wade sighed and got up. It was probably another eviction note. He had only been in this building a few days, but people often didn't take long to be scared of him. Sometimes he regretted moving out of Blind Al's place, but she had suffered enough. 

He opened the door. The man on the other side shifted slightly at the sight of his face. 

"Hrm," the man cleared his throat. "Mr Wilson, In have a package for you."

"You're that dude," Wade pointed at the mans face. "Stark's henchman."

"I prefer 'Personal Aid'," said Happy Hogan with half a smile. 

"Sounds intimate."

"You don't even know half of it, though not in the way you think," he held out a note-board. "Please sign here."

Wade looked down at the paper. 

[Stark sends us a gift and we must sign for it?]

{Cold}

"It's the for ownership of the building," said Hogan. "Sign here and it's yours."

"He's giving me _the building_?"

"And this fifty inch Stark Flatscreen Television."

Wade blinked and stared at the big cardboard package behind Hogan. 

"Your signature?"

"Fuck yeah," Wade took the pen and signed his name, dotting the i with a heart. 

"Thank you, Mr Wilson." Hogan smiled and gave himself copy of the contract. "Mr Stark sends his apologies for not being here personally, but he said to give you these gift certificates to Taco Bell in use in the meantime."

[Whoa!]

{Holy dinero, Batman!}

Wade stared at the papers and the wad of certificates. He moved out of the way to let Hogan push the TV inside. His current TV-bench wouldn't be big enough to to hold it. Conflicting emotions were welling up inside him, something he definitely wasn't used to. 

There was a feeling similar to pain in his chest, and it wasn't his scars. 

"Is he buying me off?" 

"What?" 

"It's perfectly understandable," Wade was quite bad at playing nonchalant and pretended counting the certificates. "I'm me, like this, and he's he, like that. It's not like he hasn't got cool and hot super-friends, like Captain America or something, to hang out with..."

{He's dumping us?}

[But look at the awesome stuff he gave us! Kung Fu Panda is going to be the fucking shit on that sweet screen.]

Hogan looked at him for a moment, there was real pity in his eyes. 

"Mr Stark will pick you up Friday at four. He has arranged to take the weekend off to go to Mexico and hoped you would accompany him."

Wade stared at him. 

[Shall we pack the speedos or the mankini?]

"Now," Hogan rubbed his hands together. "Do you want help to set this up?"

"Sure..." Wade felt a bit dizzy, but couldn't stop smiling. "But first I must ask you a very important question."

"What?"

Wade held up the certificates like a sun feather deck of cards, lifting his eyebrows suggestively. 

"Do you like chimichangas?"


End file.
